Wacky Emails

GEORDIE and MACKEM

2010-04-06T10:46:00.002+08:00

Two builders, (Geordie and Mackem), are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit

Geordie: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Mackem: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Geordie: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Geordie and he makes for the toilet.

On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal.

Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.

Geordie: - 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering
what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession

Geordie: - Oh? What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Geordie: - Er ..... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond.
Which is it?

Geordie: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Geordie: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a
large garden then you have a large house?

Geordie: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house .... built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to
assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite
probably married? And with a family?

Geordie: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active
with your wife on a regular basis?

Geordie: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very
often?

Geordie: - Do what? Not me, mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Geordie: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Geordie: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Geordie returns to his mate.

Mackem: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Geordie: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Mackem: - What's that then?

Geordie: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Mackem: - Nope

Geordie: - Well then, you're a wanker

EYE-TEST

2009-12-04T08:41:00.003+08:00

Look at the picture below very carefully

Have you noticed the girl in the background?
Noticed her bum?

Well, look at the picture again.

If your answer is YES, then go and see an OPTOMETRIST.
Why? That’s because what you see is the shoulder of the girl taking the picture!!!

How to know the gender of a Fly

2009-12-04T08:32:00.004+08:00

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

'What are you doing?!' She asked.

'Hunting Flies!' He responded.

'Oh! Killing any?' She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' He replied.

Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded, '3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.'

Egg Expressions

2009-11-27T09:37:00.004+08:00

The Irish Wrestler

2009-11-27T07:28:00.000+08:00

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.'

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!'

The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'

The trainer exclaimed 'That's what finished him off?'
'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls

Goodbye Daddy

2009-11-25T08:53:00.003+08:00

A father put his three-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, and God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died...

Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock..

He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened here.

He asked "What”?

She said "This morning our neighbor James suddenly died."

AN OLD CHRISTMAS TALE

2008-11-13T09:27:00.001+08:00

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves were sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular elves do.

Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two other ones had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where to.

More stress!

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the ski boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys everywhere.

Totally frustrated, Santa went back into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hit the booze and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he dropped the coffee cup and it broke into hundreds of pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw that it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a cute little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree, fat man?"

And that my friend is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree ! ! !

What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian

2008-11-03T08:56:00.002+08:00

1. You can name all the players from the the English Premier League, but ask you to name one football player from Malaysia and you can't.

2. When StreamyX Broadband was launched, you complained that StreamyX was too slow. When Maxis Broadband was launched, you complained that Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax was launched, you complained that Wimax was too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX is still the best.

3. When the toll prices increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go to Starbucks and pay RM10 for a cup of coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.

4. When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall, find out that there's a SALE, run from one end of the huge 1Utama shopping mall, NO COMPLAINTS.

5. You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is always either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking.

6. You have a parent who forces you into the science stream in high school, study engineering in the University, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in Uni and focus on commerce.

7. You know someone who can specially develop a Caucasian accent just by speaking to a Caucasian.

8. You complain against the government the coffee shop and you talk very loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs and you also talk very loud. Attend a political rally by the Opposition Party and you shout very loud. Then when Opposition organises a protest and asks you to attendgo, you are silent. Scared that they might detain you under the ISA (Internal Security Act).

9. Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people queueing up at the last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.

10. When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese.

11. When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.

12. When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians.

13. When a White Man kisses you on the cheek to say hello, you are very happy. When a Malaysian guy kisses you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him.

Boy is it great to be a Malaysian.

Ghosts, Ghouls and Goblins - Malaysian Style

2008-10-06T19:11:00.001+08:00

Are you looking for a unique theme this Halloween? Why not try something Malaysian? This scary lens introduces you to Malaysian Ghosts and Ghouls.

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The Complete Guide To Hemorrhoids Home Remedies

2008-09-30T09:38:00.001+08:00

This is one of the best and most complete guides on hemorrhoids home remedies and other treatment for hemorrhoids.

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Nail Fungus Home Remedies Guide

2008-09-25T07:22:00.001+08:00

In these series, you’ll learn proper nail fungus home remedies that you could try.

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Nail Fungus Home Remedies Guide Part 1

2008-09-24T07:26:00.001+08:00

The key to proper treatment of any illness or infection is first to understand the infection before deciding on the treatment to undertake.

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Nail Fungus Home Remedies Series Part 1

2008-09-22T22:06:00.001+08:00

This guide provides nail fungus home remedies and solutions for treatment of nail fungus.

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The Complete Guide To Nail Fungus Home Remedies

2008-09-21T18:57:00.001+08:00

This guide provides a complete and effective list of nail fungus home remedies.

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Hair Loss Guide | Hair Loss And Vitamin Deficiency

2008-09-16T12:13:00.001+08:00

This guide shows the relationship between hair loss and vitamin deficiency.

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Hair Loss Help | How To Encourage Healthy Hair Growth

2008-09-16T11:47:00.001+08:00

This article offers the most effective ways to encourage healthy hair growth

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Hair Loss Remedies | Simple Ways To Beat Hair Loss amp; Enc

2008-09-16T11:27:00.001+08:00

This guide shows the best possible way to beat hair loss and encourage healthy hair growth

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Hair Loss Guide | Effective Ways To Treat Hair Loss

2008-09-16T10:49:00.001+08:00

This guide reveals the most effective ways to treat hair loss

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Hemorrhoids Treatment | When Is It Necessary To Have Hemorrh

2008-09-15T18:48:00.001+08:00

This guide explains about surgical procedures for hemorrhoids and when it is necessary to have it.

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Hair Loss Treatment Reviews | Hair Loss Treatments That Guar

2008-09-08T16:24:00.001+08:00

This article reviews Provillus, one of the best hair loss treatments today.

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Treating Hemorrhoids | Will External Hemorrhoids Go Away On

2008-09-08T08:22:00.001+08:00

This guide explains what is external hemorrhoids and what must be done to get rid of it.

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How To Get Rid Of External Hemorrhoids

2008-09-08T07:59:00.001+08:00

This guide explains the different choices of treating hemorrhoids surgically or non surgically.

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How To Get Rid Of Hemorrhoids | Can You Remove Hemorrhoids W

2008-09-08T07:28:00.001+08:00

This guide explains other methods of getting rid of hemorrhoids apart from banding

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Speed Up Hair Growth With These Hair Growth Remedies

2008-09-04T10:31:00.001+08:00

This guide shows you the best way to ensure proper hair growth if you are suffering from hair loss

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Best Hair Loss Treatments | Home Remedies For Hair Growth

2008-09-04T07:57:00.001+08:00

This guide explores some of the best treatments for improving hair growth

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Hair Thinning Causes | Medications That Cause Hair Loss

2008-09-03T18:25:00.001+08:00

This articles provides explanations on medicines that cause hair loss

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Hemorrhoid Medication | Some Of The Best Hemorrhoids Treatme

2008-09-01T20:01:00.001+08:00

This guide shows some of the best known ways to treat hemorrhoids

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External Hemorrhoid Treatment | Do You Need Surgery For Hemo

2008-08-24T17:45:00.001+08:00

This guide explains how to treat external hemorrhoids without surgery.

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Hemorrhoid Home Treatment | Seeking A More Natural Hemorrhoi

2008-08-24T17:16:00.001+08:00

This guide shows how to care and get rid of hemorrhoids using natural home treatment methods.

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Toe Infection | Treating Toenail Fungus Infection

2008-08-24T02:13:00.001+08:00

This guide explains the best methods for treating toenail fungus infection

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The Best Way To Treat Fingernail Fungus Infection

2008-08-23T23:22:00.001+08:00

This guide teaches you the best way to treat your fingernail fungus infection

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How To Kill Algae In An Outdoor Fish Pond

2008-08-23T20:55:00.001+08:00

This guide explains how to kill algae in an outdoor fish pond without harming the fish

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Cure For Hemorrhoids | Internal Hemorrhoid Treatment And Rel

2008-08-19T20:49:00.001+08:00

This guide provides excellent tips to treat and provide relief for internal hemorrhoids

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How To Get Rid Of Hemorrhoids | External Hemorrhoids Treatme

2008-08-18T23:20:00.001+08:00

This guide show the best way to treat and get rid of external hemorrhoids

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Eczema Herbal Remedies | The Best Remedy For Stress Eczema

2008-08-17T23:00:00.001+08:00

Because emotional stress can aggravate the condition, patients with eczema (atopic dermatitis) may find that techniques in stress management and relaxation can decrease their chances of having flare-ups.

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Treating Toenail Fungus Infection | Fungal Remedies

2008-08-17T19:37:00.001+08:00

This guide explains what is toenail fungus infection and some remedies to treat it.

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How To Treat Hemorrhoids

2008-08-10T23:23:00.001+08:00

A complete guide on what is hemorrhoids, its symptoms and treatments

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Baby Eczema Treatment

2008-08-03T21:22:00.001+08:00

Guide on how to treat baby eczema using natural ingredients

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Natural Remedies For Eczema

2008-08-03T20:06:00.001+08:00

Guide on curing eczema using natural remedies

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Home Remedy For Eczema

2008-08-02T22:22:00.001+08:00

Guides on home remedy tips to cure eczema

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Natural Cures For Eczema

2008-08-02T18:11:00.001+08:00

Natural ways to cure your eczema

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Eczema Natural Cure

2008-08-02T15:46:00.001+08:00

Guide on using natural ingredients to cure your eczema

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Toenail Fungus Remedies

2008-07-31T20:43:00.001+08:00

Tips on preventing and curing toenail fungus infection

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Preventing Toe Nail Fungus Infection

2008-07-31T19:07:00.001+08:00

Preventing toenail fungus infection is better than seeking for a cure when it is too late.

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Eczema Home Remedy

2008-07-30T22:37:00.001+08:00

Guide on the causes of eczema and some good home remedy tips that you could try.

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7 Tips On Building An Outdoor Fish Pond

2008-07-29T19:35:00.001+08:00

7 tips that show you how to properly build an outdoor fish pond

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Toe Nail Fungus Cures That Work

2008-07-22T12:31:00.001+08:00

A guide on looking for toe nail fungus cures that really work.

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How To Treat Fingernail Fungus Infection

2008-07-22T10:12:00.001+08:00

This guide will explain about how one contracts fingernail fungus and how to treat the infection.

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Toe Nail Fungus Home Remedy

2008-07-22T01:58:00.001+08:00

Here are some home remedy tips to treat and prevent toe nail fungus infection.

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Treating Toenail Fungus Infection

2008-07-21T11:47:00.001+08:00

Learn about the true cause of toenail fungus infection and properly treating treating toenail fungus infection.

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Cure For Toenail Fungus Infection

2008-07-20T17:53:00.001+08:00

Finding a cure for toenail fungus infections that actually work may not be easy but it is possible, especially if you take action during the earlier stages of the infection. This guide will show you how.

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Treating Toenail Fungus Infection

2008-07-20T01:35:00.001+08:00

Reviews and recommendations on products that are guaranteed to treat and cure toenail fungus infection

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Fish Pond Care | Fish Pond Care amp; Algae Solutions

2008-06-30T10:12:00.001+08:00

Algae are the greatest concern in fish pond care for any pond owner. It is a problem that can never be avoided but fortunately, there are a number of solutions available that will minimize the problem and avoid having to do extensive cleaning and maintenance.

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Fish Pond Design | Do It Yourself Fish Pond Design Kits

2008-06-30T10:07:00.001+08:00

Custom fish pond design is getting a lot more accepted, as well as easier to do. This means that your garden or backyard does not have to be a plan, featureless plot of grass. Consider adding glamour and diversity by installing a water garden complete with a pond and if possible even a waterfall.

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Fish Pond Management | Importance Of A Filter For Proper Fis

2008-06-30T10:03:00.001+08:00

When considering fish pond maintenance, the biggest problem that you will have to face is keeping the water clean, regardless of whether your outdoor pond houses a big variety of fish or just as a decorative feature.

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Fish Pond Maintenance | Outdoor Fish Pond Maintenance Guide

2008-06-30T09:57:00.001+08:00

Building A Fish Pond | Using Liners When Building A Fish Pon

2008-06-30T09:51:00.001+08:00

Searching around the internet for fish pond designs is easy as there are literally thousands of websites offering all sorts of useful advice. However, if you are looking to build a pond in your garden but are short on time, then consider shopping for pond kits.

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Using Pond Kits In Creating Your Fish Pond Designs

2008-06-30T09:46:00.001+08:00

7 Things To Avoid When Building An Outdoor Fish Pond

2008-06-30T09:39:00.001+08:00

An outdoor fish pond will make the garden one of the most favorite spots in the house. Not only will it be fun for kids, but the garden will also be a great place to entertain friends and family.If you have never built an outdoor fish pond before, the following guide will be crucial in ensuring that your project runs smoothly.

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How To Build A Fish Pond | Tips On How To Build A Fish Pond

2008-06-27T16:58:00.001+08:00

Are you trying to figure out how to build a fish pond? Keeping magnificent fish in your garden can be great fun and it is not as difficult as you might think. With proper care, you can have a healthy fish pond full of wonderful and colorful fish that adds a wonderful character even to the simplest garden. Just follow these tips to plan your pond pr

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Backyard Fish Pond | 5 Great Tips On Building Your Own Backy

2008-06-27T16:32:00.001+08:00

Building your very own backyard fish pond is a great project for those who have always dreamed of having something fun in their garden. This would be an excellent addition to a beautifully kept garden.

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Mini Site Profits

2008-06-18T04:22:00.001+08:00

Have you been putting off creating a mini site, because you don t consider yourself a techie? If you have, then I ve got some exciting news for you which will allow you to finally have a mini site of your own, without all the confusing trial and error that usually comes with creating one.

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How To Save A Marriage

2008-06-16T11:45:00.001+08:00

Do you truly want to know how to save a marriage, especially if it is yours that needs saving? No matter how bad things may seem right now, I must try my best to convince you that there really is a way to save your marriage.So if you are going through troubled times in your marriage and if you truly want to save it, please read on.

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Everything Brandy

2008-06-11T14:44:00.001+08:00

This lens is about everything on Brandy, from how Brandy is made to cocktails recipes using Brandy and how to serve Brandy.Contents Include:What Is Brandy? The Origin Of BrandyTypes Of Brandy Brandy Cocktail RecipesE-Book Review: Bartending For Fun And Profit

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Everything Gin

2008-06-11T14:37:00.001+08:00

This lens is about everything on Gin, from how Gin is made to cocktails recipes using Gin and how to serve Gin.Contents include:What Is Gin? Notable Gin BrandsGin Cocktail RecipesE-Book Review: Bartending For Fun And Profit

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The Bartender University

2008-06-11T14:28:00.001+08:00

This is a great site to learn about bartendering, cocktails and mixing drinks.Contents include:What Is A Bartender? What Is A Cocktail? The Bartender's Tools The Ultimate Bar Glassware Guide Excellent Flair BartenderE-Book Review: Bartending For Fun And Profit

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Cool Google Trick

2008-06-09T05:49:00.001+08:00

I tried this. It's really cool. Fool your office mates into thinking you're a Magician.

That's not what I meant, but I now basically have to click?

2008-06-08T09:29:00.001+08:00

wis.dm - That's not what I meant, but I now basically have to click?

Even Google screws up sometimes.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Office Worker Goes Absolutely Insane

2008-06-06T01:36:00.002+08:00

This might be the best office flip out video every captured on film. Some dude goes absolutely insane.

Office Worker Goes Absolutely Insane - Watch more free videos

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Red Haired Baby

2008-05-13T05:09:00.001+08:00

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.

'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine.'

'Nonsense,' the doctor said. 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'

'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?'

The man seemed a bit ashamed. 'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.'

'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently. 'It's rust.'

What's In A Name

2008-05-12T23:43:00.005+08:00

At A China Train Station

2008-05-10T08:35:00.000+08:00

They're packed like Sardines

Redneck’s Holiday

2008-05-10T08:02:00.001+08:00

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only thisyear I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I tookyour advice about where to go.

"Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii, I went to Hawaii and Helen got pregnant.

"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Helen got pregnant again.

"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Helen didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Helen with me."

1st Month Reality Check

2008-05-10T06:52:00.000+08:00

I began my life in cyberspace on 6th April 2008 so that would mean that I am now a 40 day old baby. I was clueless when I first joined and just jumped in with both feet forward and hoped for the best, getting involved in any money making scheme I could find. I’ve tried Pay Per Click Schemes, Paid To Read Email Schemes, Blogging, Article Writing, to name some of the stuff.

Well, after a month, I’ve finally settled in to the part of Cyber World that I plan to live in for the rest of my life. I guess I am more suited for Blogging and Article Marketing. It’s not because I am great at it. Far from it, I’m probably one of the worst bloggers on the net right now and my articles suck (pardon my French). But I have a knack for writing and can churn words off the top of my head with little thinking so I guess this is the niche for me.

So after one month of doing all this, what’s my progress? Numerically it’s as follows:

Income Earned
Affiliation: Clixgalore $1.00
Articles: Payperpost $20.00
Associated Content $0.26
Pay Per Click: Bidvertizer $0.52
Google Adsense $0.95
Total Income: $22.73

Articles Written:
Associated Content 2 articles
Article Sense 9 articles
Ezine Articles 5 articles
Go Articles 12 articles
Pay Per Post 1 article

Blog Posts:
So Much To Read, So Little Time (Blogger) 13 posts
Wacky Emails (Blogger) 37 posts
So Much To Read, So Little Time (Wordpress) 13 posts
Live A Life Of Abundance (Wordpress) 17 posts

You might say that’s not much but hey, it’s just been my first month so I guess I’m pretty happy with it.

Tell me what you think, okay? Know anything that might help me improve my earnings?

Fish Cartoons

2008-04-25T04:15:00.001+08:00

Naughty Nuns

2008-04-25T04:01:00.000+08:00

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.

He asks the first nun, ''Sister Karen, have you ever had any contact with a penis?''

The nun giggles and slyly replies, ''Well once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.'' St. Peter says, ''OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate.''

St. Peter asks the next nun the same question, ''Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis?''

The nun is a little reluctant but replies ''Well once I fondled and stroked one.''

St. Peter says ''OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gate.''

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns; one nun is pushing her way to the front of the line.

When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says ''Sister, Sister what seems to be the rush?!

''The nun replies, ''If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!'

The Man Show Kid - Buys Porn

2008-04-25T03:58:00.003+08:00

They actually do sell him porn and liquor....can you believe it? One guy even believes he's a Doctor.

Memo To All Employees

2008-04-24T00:00:00.002+08:00

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T)

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S. H. I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of
LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S..H.I.T).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

P.S. Now send this S.H.I.T to 5 people who need S.H.I.T in their life, just not the same person who sent you this S.H.I..T They have already had their fill of S.H.I.T

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training. (The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T).

Contributed by Zahir from Melaka, Malaysia

You Don't See This Everyday

2008-04-23T23:49:00.010+08:00

Is this his name or are they describing him?

Guess they should start with Spelling first.

This must be the school teaching Arithetic

Everything you need for a great Wedding

What???

They confused him with the Hamburglar

Dilemma in California

Take me to the cleaners, Baby.

Good Job!!!

Remember To Cancel Your Credit Cards Before You Die

2008-04-23T23:39:00.002+08:00

Genuine incident. Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member : 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member : 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member : 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member : 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member : 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member : 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax:

Citibank : 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member : 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member : 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help.'

Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'What do you do with dead people on your planet???

The Man Show Kid - Sells Beer

2008-04-23T23:21:00.002+08:00

It's so funny when he asks two old women for their IDs.

Only In China

2008-04-23T00:47:00.003+08:00

What would you do if there was no space to sit on the back of a motorcycle?

Chinese Sex Therapist

2008-04-23T00:30:00.002+08:00

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.

She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.

So she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said 'OK take off all your crose.'

The woman did as she was told. 'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.'

Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said 'OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.' So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said 'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.'

Worried the woman asked anxiously 'Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease ?'

Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied: 'Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass.'

The Man Show Kid - Selling Cookies

2008-04-23T00:26:00.002+08:00

This one is so, so hilarious.

I Was Wondering.

2008-04-20T22:41:00.003+08:00

When I saw this picture I had just one question.

Nuclear Power

2008-04-20T22:23:00.003+08:00

A stranger was seated next to a little 5th grade girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger!"

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK". She said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: 'A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies: "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

The Man Show Kid - Pickup Lines

2008-04-20T22:19:00.004+08:00

Second installation of The Man Show Kid. This time he tries to get laid.

Wedding Invitation

2008-04-19T03:31:00.004+08:00

How To Handle A Gossip

2008-04-19T03:25:00.003+08:00

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new church member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny... He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house...

Walked home..
And left it there all night.
You gotta love George.

The Man Show Kid At The Beach

2008-04-19T03:24:00.003+08:00

This kid is really cool. I'll post his other exploits in the next couple of days.

The New Toyota Cowrola

2008-04-18T00:14:00.003+08:00

Never Disgrace The Family Name

2008-04-18T00:11:00.005+08:00

A young Chinese girl was going on her 1st date.

Her mother warned her "First he'll kiss your cheek. Then he'll kiss your breasts and you'll enjoy it. Then he'll want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name"

Next day, the girl tells her Mom, "Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family"

One Great Shoe Shine

2008-04-18T00:10:00.003+08:00

What can I say....men will always be men

The Wrath Of A Woman

2008-04-16T09:57:00.005+08:00

Contributed by Johann G. from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

We've Hit 100 Visits

2008-04-16T09:53:00.002+08:00

After only 3 days on the internet, Wacky Emails has managed to exceed 100 Unique Visits. As of now, the count is at 155 visitors.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support that I have received since I began this blog 3 days ago. And I give my commitment that I will keep posting only the funniest and best emails that are circulating the internet presently.

Why not contribute to the site? If you have a funny email, picture or video clip, email it to me at tgkessler@yahoo.com and I'll post it as your contribution. Better yet if you have a blog of your own why don't we link each other.

Once again, thanks for the support and I look forward to your future visits.

Tim

Sexy Dance

2008-04-16T02:55:00.004+08:00

Is this really supposed to be sexy?

Overtime

2008-04-16T02:24:00.004+08:00

Alligator Bet

2008-04-16T02:14:00.004+08:00

A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.

He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside.

Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.

'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.'

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his huge member and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.

The gator closed his mouth ss the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head.

The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A Blonde woman timidly spoke up.......... 'I'll try it - just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

2008-04-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

I have to acknowledge the person who is most important to the success of this blog. His name is Kevin Khoo from Team Immortals and he is the reason I have this blog up in the first place.

Kevin has been sending me emails on jokes, video clips and funny pictures for many years now and all this while I have been deleting them after reading. But here's a place for me to pay tribute to a guy who has tried his very best each day to brighten up my day.

So here's to Kevin, may your emails never stop.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

2008-04-14T13:23:00.007+08:00

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!